Diocese of Knoxville bucks national trend of falling wedding numbers
By Gabrielle Nolan
While national marriage rates are on the decline within the United States, the Diocese of Knoxville is seeing growth that it hopes to sustain.
Catholic News Agency reported in July that Georgetown University’s Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate (CARA) showed that between 1969 and 2019, Catholic marriage rates dropped by around 70 percent.
The article also listed Pew Research data showing that currently in the United States, 25 percent of 40-year-olds have never been married.
Within the Diocese of Knoxville, marriage rates went up by 5.68 percent from 2022 to 2023. The diocese had 264 marriages in 2022 and 279 in 2023. The Cathedral of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus in Knoxville and the Basilica of Sts. Peter and Paul in Chattanooga hosted the highest and second-highest number of weddings in the diocese, respectively.
Scott Barron, director of parish ministries at the cathedral, said he cannot speak to the national decline of marriage, but he acknowledged the cathedral is seeing “phenomenal growth.”
“We are booked out usually more than a year in advance for weddings here at the cathedral,” he shared. “But for the sacrament of marriage to mean a lot to those outside of our parish team, it must mean a lot to us. We work very hard to ensure our preparation program and process are intentional, respectful of people’s time, and welcoming (hospitality). We know if we get the marriage process right, we have a great chance to have a lifetime relationship with this couple. That means the family will bring their children back to be baptized and then hopefully enrolled in our school. By fostering a lifelong relationship with Jesus, sacraments are viewed not as a checkpoint but rather as part of their journey.”
Mr. Barron said the cathedral takes a “team approach” to marriage preparation with couples.
Marybel Carlisle is joined at the podium by her husband, Bruce Carlisle, during a marriage retreat held by the Diocese of Knoxville’s Marriage Preparation and Enrichment ministry at St. Thomas the Apostle Church in Lenoir City. The Carlisles are members of Regnum Christi and lead marriage retreats. (Photo Gabrielle Nolan)
He walks the couple through the process as they take the FOCCUS inventory, meet with clergy, and go through either Pre-Cana or the parish’s mentor program. The director of music and liturgy, Glenn Kahler, works with the couples on their readings, music selections, and programs.
“The team pours into them so that they have a smooth, stress-free process,” Mr. Barron said.
The FOCCUS pre-marriage inventory is a comprehensive, user-friendly tool to help couples prepare for marriage. It is designed to help engaged couples appreciate their unique relationship, learn more about themselves, and discuss topics important to their lifelong marriage. Pre-Cana is a marriage-preparation course for couples who will be married in the Catholic Church.
Mr. Barron noted that the most common obstacle couples face when preparing for marriage is working with one side of the family that is not Catholic.
“It is a great opportunity for us to share our faith and why this sacrament is so important,” Mr. Barron said. “The couples themselves may be hesitant about the process but quickly learn that it deepens their relationships and strengthens their foundation.”
Mr. Barron shared that couples need to continually invest in their marriages.
“Like anything else in life, putting time and effort into things that are important to you is essential for long-term success. We are not the same people we were 10 years or even 10 months ago. Investing in your marriage ensures that you grow closer together and not apart. Simple things such as a weekly or monthly marriage meeting are great. … Dedicated date nights are underrated as well. Intentional effort is a crucial piece,” he noted.
‘That all married couples will be strengthened’
Deacon Al Forsythe recently retired as director of the Office of Marriage Preparation and Enrichment for the diocese.
He recognizes the importance of diocesan marriage ministry in a society that is “kind of a hook-up society where relationships don’t really mean anything.”
“It’s just a quick way to get together to meet each other, meet our carnal needs of sex, and then move on to the next one. And so, we kind of are treating our relationships as if they don’t have any meaning to them,” Deacon Forsythe remarked. “So, when we get young people who are interested in having that meaningful relationship and are connected to our faith and the life of the Church, we want to encourage that as much as possible. Because it’s against what the world is teaching, and our faith has always been one that’s counter-cultural, going all the way back to Jesus and His ministry.”
Cohabitation is another factor leading to the decline of marriages nationwide.
“Our society is one that says let’s try something out first, and so that’s why they cohabitate to see if it’s going to work,” Deacon Forsythe said. “And the difference between cohabitation and marriage? Marriage says that I’m not experimenting to see if this is going to work; I’m making a commitment to that person and to our relationship. If they’re just in that relationship to see if it’s going to work, then they are probably going in the wrong direction. If we just did what’s going to work, it doesn’t always mean we’re going to give our full intention to that relationship, that support to it, because we always have an out.”
Couples from around the diocese enjoy social time and a meal together during the June 15 marriage retreat. (Photo Gabrielle Nolan)
“It’s not going to be easy all the time, but how do we not go to a part of our relationship that says let’s not work on it, I’m just going to throw it out, the relationship says it’s not working?” he asked. “How do we make it work? What can we do better? How do we support each other in our role? How do we maintain instead of throw away?”
As part of his former role, Deacon Forsythe planned marriage retreats alongside his administrative assistant, Carolyn Krings. The Office of Marriage Preparation and Enrichment partnered with Regnum Christi and hosted a marriage retreat on June 15 at St. Thomas the Apostle Church in Lenoir City.
The marriage retreat, which was open to couples of all ages, was led by Bruce and Marybel Carlisle from the Atlanta area. The Carlisles are members of Regnum Christi and have been leading marriage retreats for several years.
Topics during the retreat included God’s desire for men and women, God’s desire for marriage, impediments to living the life God calls married couples to, and seeking forgiveness from God and spouse.
“It is my hope that all married couples will be strengthened in their love for one another,” said Mrs. Krings. “That we will uphold the gift of marriage as a committed vocation call and an icon to the world in need of inspiring witnesses. I recall hearing in a ‘Walking with Purpose’ Bible study that my marriage with my spouse was a sacrament, not my relationship with my children. This information transformed me and my family life. Let all married couples go forth investing in each other, recalling why we came together, our love story with each other and with the Lord, and recognizing that our goal is to get our spouse to heaven with a lot of happy memories along the way.”
“If we’re going to sustain our faith and build our faith life, it’s based on marriage and the fruits of those marriages,” Deacon Forsythe added. “And I told Father David Carter, when he became the head of the Tribunal and I became part of this marriage ministry, it is my goal to get him out of a Tribunal job, that we don’t have to worry about annulments, and going forward that we will have established some good preparations, some good boundaries, some good growth experiences for young couples and … married couples to build their relationships.”
‘We believe in the sacrament of marriage’
Father Carter, who serves as rector of the Basilica of Sts. Peter and Paul in Chattanooga, also serves the Diocese of Knoxville as judicial vicar for the Tribunal.
In 2022, the Tribunal processed 34 cases for defective consent (annulments), the most popular type of case. In 2023, that number jumped by a 109 percent increase to 71 cases, although only 30 of those cases have reached the Tribunal hearing phase. The time that it takes to process a case is generally between eight and 18 months, depending on different factors.
Father Carter noted that most of the Tribunal’s clients are seeking to marry for a second time.
“Oftentimes, it’s they’ve already been through a failed marriage and sought divorce from the civil authorities and are now in a relationship or are seeking a relationship that hopefully the Church would recognize as a second marriage,” he said. “So, that’s the reason why people seek annulments, because they are wanting to engage in marriage again. But the problem is they’ve already made vows once, and the vows were till death do them part and for better or for worse, and in sickness and health, and all those kinds of things. So, now they’re asking to make those vows again, even though they didn’t fulfill them the first time, or the other partner didn’t fulfill them.”
Father Carter mentioned that often it is the abandoned spouse who seeks the annulment, but sometimes the couple mutually decides “to stop living their vows.”
However, the Church does not grant annulments to every petition.
“We honor marriage vows as sacred ground, and we dare not trample the sacred ground of marriage vows,” Father Carter stated. “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. That’s in the Bible. … The two are no longer two but one flesh. Do not separate what God has joined together. … The reality is that not everyone who petitions has a reason; not everybody’s marriage is invalid even if it fails. Not every failed marriage is invalid. A lot of times what happens is that people decide to stop working on their marriage, and it inevitably falls apart. That’s not a candidate for a declaration of nullity; that’s just failure to take care of what you had.”
Father Carter noted that in the United States the divorce rate is close to 50 percent.
Couples hold hands in prayer as Bruce and Marybel Carlisle lead a reflection on the sanctity of marriage. (Photo Gabrielle Nolan)
“We’re trying to fight against those statistics,” he said. “We believe in the sacrament of marriage, that God intends men and women to bind themselves for life in a faithful and fruitful union. We want to equip couples for the vocation, this divine vocation they’re receiving, to equip them with what’s necessary to combat the enemies of the success of marriage.”
“An ounce of prevention is worth a ton of correction after things have gone wrong,” Father Carter continued. “The more young people take seriously their marriage preparation, it will pay dividends in their married life. The more they are willing to make the sacrifices to live their lives as dating couples, engaged couples, according to God’s mind and His will, and what they know to be true and right and moral, it will pay dividends in their married life.”
“That’s the message. How do we stem the tide of divorce? Well, you have to convince young people to follow the Lord’s way. Good luck, but that’s our job. That’s the task ahead of us. It’s an evangelical impulse that we need to get not only the Good News out to people, but we need to introduce them to the means by which the Good News bears fruit in their life: self-control, the life of virtue, sacrificial giving of self. These are important things for married life,” the basilica rector concluded.
For marriage-related resources, visit dioknox.org/marriage.
