A father can lead activities to help his family live the Catholic faith more fully
By Bob Hunt
It’s well past the time that our society started recognizing the importance of fathers in the lives of their children. Every page of social research on the question affirms that fathers are essential to the wellness of their children and their proper development from childhood to adulthood. There is no research on the question that demonstrates otherwise.
Yet, our society still seems unconvinced. Single motherhood has become almost the norm in some communities. According to Rev. Corey Brooks, the “Rooftop Pastor” and CEO of Project H.O.O.D. (Helping Others Obtain Destiny) in Chicago, 56 percent of Black children do not have a father living in the home. That number is 31 percent for Hispanic children and 21 percent for white children. In post-war America, 89 percent of children lived at home with their mother and father. That figure has dropped to 68 percent today. Almost half of fathers in the United States (46 percent) have sired at least one child out of wedlock. But these men are not spending time with their children. A father who is not living in the same household as his child spends an average of only 36 minutes a week with his child. After the age of 2 years, even that small amount of time declines dramatically.
Why is that so significant? Because children who have close relationships with their fathers tend to do better academically and are more invested in society. Those who have poor relationships with their fathers, or none at all, tend to not do as well academically, are not as invested in the larger community, suffer higher rates of poverty, and are more likely to engage in negative behaviors such as drug and alcohol consumption, sexually promiscuous activity, and crime. This is not for lack of single mothers trying to keep their children on the right track. It is simply a matter of human growth and development. Children need both a mother and a father because each contributes in their own way to the proper development of a child into adulthood.
Many of us have read the statistics about children from fatherless homes:
- 85 percent of men in prison today grew up in fatherless homes.
- 63 percent of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.
- 71 percent of high-school dropouts come from fatherless homes.
- 90 percent of homeless and runaway kids are from fatherless homes.
- 80 percent of rapists motivated by displaced anger grew up in fatherless homes.
- 75 percent of adolescents in drug-abuse rehab centers are from fatherless homes.
- 70 percent of juveniles in state institutions come from fatherless homes.
- 72 percent of adolescent murderers come from fatherless homes.
As with social development, the same is true for the proper development of religious faith: children raised in families where both parents attend church services weekly are far more likely to become adults who attend church services weekly, and the practice of the father is particularly formative in the development of a child’s church attendance as an adult. Dr. Ray Guarendi, a Catholic clinical psychologist and father of 10 adopted children, shares some interesting statistics from studies on the relationship between parents’ attendance and child-to-adult attendance at religious services:
- If neither parent attends church services regularly, only 15-20 percent of their children will grow up to become adults who attend church services regularly.
- If the mother alone attends church services regularly with her children, 50 percent of her children will grow up to be adults who attend church services regularly.
- If both parents attend church services regularly with their children, 70-80 percent of their children will grow up to be adults who attend church services regularly.
- If the father alone attends church services regularly with his children, again 70-80 percent of his children will grow up to be adults who attend church services regularly.
Different studies report different numbers, but all studies affirm the essential role of the father in the development of a child’s religious faith and practices. The critical questions for Catholic fathers, then, are these: Do I want my children to be Catholic? Do I want my children to have a meaningful relationship with Jesus Christ and His Church? If so, what am I doing to increase the likeliness of that happening?
I have long championed the essential role of the father in the life of what the Fathers of the Second Vatican Council called “the domestic Church.” The domestic Church is the Church in the home. Every Catholic home is a part of the Church, as much as is every Catholic parish. What is more, the Council Fathers insisted that the parents—not the parish, not the Catholic school, not the CCD program, not the youth ministry—but the parents are the first and primary educators of their children in the faith. All those other institutions are there to support the Catholic parents in their responsibility to raise their children in the faith.
How can a Catholic father do this? First, by answering the questions from above. If a father doesn’t care much that his children be Catholic, then there’s no point in reading on from here. But if it is the desire of a Catholic father’s heart that his children embrace the faith and come to love our Lord Jesus and be members of His body, the Church, then there are some practical steps he can take. Here are four actions I recommend for living the Catholic faith more fully at home:
- Participate in the sacramental life of the Church.
- Pray at home.
- Study the faith of the Church and teach your children.
- Find some way to serve others as a family.
The father of the family should be taking the lead in all these activities. Catholic fathers are called to be the spiritual heads of their families. This call is one of servant leadership, in imitation of Christ. This is not the leadership of a king but the leadership of one who is willing to give his life for his Church. Christ is king, to be sure. But recall that Christ did not assume His throne until He hung on His cross. Christ did not begin His throne time until He was done with His cross time. And when Christ was done with His cross time, He was dead. So, I would recommend to all the fathers and grandfathers reading this: If you ain’t dead, you ain’t done with your cross time!
This is not the time to claim your crown. This is the time to take up your cross and work out the salvation of your wife and children. When you get to the kingdom, you can ask the Lord, “Lord, where is my crown?” And the Lord will point to your wife and your children in the midst of the kingdom and say, “There is your crown. Your wife and your children in the midst of the kingdom. Their salvation will be your crown!”
Be Christ for all. Bring Christ to all. See Christ in all.
And in an additional note, I will be offering a retreat for all men called “Lead in His Image” to reflect on the role of men as fathers and spiritual leaders. The retreat will be held in Cathedral Hall at the Cathedral of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus on Saturday, Oct. 24. Mass will begin at 8:05 a.m. followed by breakfast. Opening prayer is at 9 a.m. and the retreat continues until 2:30 p.m. Lunch will be provided. Lecture topics are: “The Fatherhood of God,” “The Fatherhood of the Saints,” “The Vital Role of Fathers in the Domestic Church,” and “Practical Ideas for Catholic Families.”
Deacon Bob Hunt is a husband, father, grandfather, and parishioner at All Saints Church in Knoxville.